It's normal to suspect that your break situation is one of a kind. It is. But that is true only in the details. Most people get so involved in the details that their point of view becomes clouded, and they can't see the big picture. Relations end because one or more of the fundamental qualities of a good relationship is missing. At this point when they try and resolve the situation, they focus on the minutiae "where he went that night, who he was with, what awful thing he was doing. In the grand scheme of things, these details don't matter.
For example, perhaps your partner sits around watching soccer with the fellows on Sundays and allows you to do all of the cleaning up. He just expects you'll look after things while he's euphoric in the game. Perhaps this occurs every Sun.. He constantly guarantees he will not do it again, but without fail he does. This action alone is not the basis of the split up. If he starts helping on Sundays as you asked it, your problem is not solved.
The problem here isn't about his neglect to help on Sundays. It isn't even about his refusal to do anything to help out around the house. It's not even about him being a lazy person generally. The real issues are "respect" and "love" (2 must-haves of a healthy Relationship).
Likelihood is you would not mind cutting him some slack now and then if he showed you sufficient respect and love in every other facet of your relationship. If he would do the same for you, things might be OK; but if the lazy sun. situation is a regular occurrence and his behaviour has similarities in all areas, you have got a deeper problem you will need to solve before it is possible to even consider getting together again.
Often it feels like one instance destroys a relationship, and leaves you needing to save your marriage or long-term relationship. A loud fighting match or some intense door slamming might resolve things in the short run, but the bigger issues remains. The two of you let out some aggression, yelled some insults, and complained to some buddies, but you might as well have taken an Advil for a damaged wrist. You are wrist is still going to get broken when the Advil fades away.
For example, perhaps your partner sits around watching soccer with the fellows on Sundays and allows you to do all of the cleaning up. He just expects you'll look after things while he's euphoric in the game. Perhaps this occurs every Sun.. He constantly guarantees he will not do it again, but without fail he does. This action alone is not the basis of the split up. If he starts helping on Sundays as you asked it, your problem is not solved.
The problem here isn't about his neglect to help on Sundays. It isn't even about his refusal to do anything to help out around the house. It's not even about him being a lazy person generally. The real issues are "respect" and "love" (2 must-haves of a healthy Relationship).
Likelihood is you would not mind cutting him some slack now and then if he showed you sufficient respect and love in every other facet of your relationship. If he would do the same for you, things might be OK; but if the lazy sun. situation is a regular occurrence and his behaviour has similarities in all areas, you have got a deeper problem you will need to solve before it is possible to even consider getting together again.
Often it feels like one instance destroys a relationship, and leaves you needing to save your marriage or long-term relationship. A loud fighting match or some intense door slamming might resolve things in the short run, but the bigger issues remains. The two of you let out some aggression, yelled some insults, and complained to some buddies, but you might as well have taken an Advil for a damaged wrist. You are wrist is still going to get broken when the Advil fades away.
About the Author:
Karen Holland is a relationship coach and reporter on subjects like the right way to fix a relationship, plus popular relationship-healing manuals like Save The Marriage.
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